The Journey to Shared Motherhood
This same-sex female couple have a story of resilience, love, and the relentless pursuit of their dream to become mothers. Their journey to shared motherhood through IVF is a testament to the power of hope and determination.
They explain:
"I met my now wife when we were 16 years old, but it wasn’t easy being a lesbian couple then and pressure and family intervention meant we had to separate. We were both forced to move on to the relationships (heterosexual) but years later we reunited. By this time, she was already a mother and was expecting her second child. Now, I was always adamant I didn’t want children. I was brought up in care and have a long family history of addiction and I didn’t want that same genetic footprint for our family.
My wife always said I’d change my mind as soon as I was thirty and sure enough, I did. The desire to have a baby grew stronger especially if it was not involving my genetics. What could be better than to grow and carry the baby of the woman I love more than anyone?
Exploring IVF and Shared Motherhood
My wife did not want to carry another child, so we spoke to the team at Complete Fertility and explored shared motherhood. We discussed our IVF options because the concept of shared motherhood is all about when one partner’s egg is fertilized and the other carries the pregnancy. To me this sounded the perfect solution.
Our egg reserves were counted, and we picked a suitable sperm donor.
Challenges and Heartbreak
This is when it started to get tough. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and those felt like the worst days of my life. I had another cycle of IVF followed by another heartbreaking loss. The support I received from the Complete Fertility nurses was insane. I called the out-of-hours telephone line when I started spotting and had backache. I then spoke to them every few hours. In the most challenging moments, they listened and helped me through it.
The Third Attempt and Success
With support from my wife and the team at the clinic we decided to try one last time. And we ended up with beautiful twins. They are the loves of my life.
This time around I underwent various treatments and therapies, from progesterone injections to hypnotherapy. I had severe hyperemesis until I was 16 weeks pregnant. I experienced an early labour at 18 weeks, but we managed to stop it. It was recommended I name the babies, so we did. Finally it all settled down and I had a great second and third trimester. Eventually, after a 72-hour labour and a cesarean section, the twins were born at 36 weeks and six days. They were healthy, weighing 6.6 lbs and 5.1 lbs respectively.
Reflections on Shared Motherhood
For me I was initially sceptical about bonding with a child not genetically mine but that never, ever materialised. I am in love with my family. The experience of carrying my wife’s baby is just perfect, creating an unbreakable bond. The twins are a perfect combination of both of us and we manifested them with our love and dedication. I grieve my lost babies and am so grateful for the support we both received during those heartbreaking losses.
These babies are the perfect combination of my wife and I. In what world can you do this? Shared motherhood is genius and I’m grateful to our sperm donor and the clinic for their support. Our family is now complete. "
Please note, these patients were keen to share their story in the hope it would help others but they wish to remain anonymous.
