Getting Through the Holiday Season During Fertility Treatment
Hear from Christine Grimsby our Fertility Counsellor as she provides some strategies and advice for navigating the Christmas period.
"Going through months of fertility treatment is already hard enough, but when the festive season comes around, it can bring intense emotions: Sadness, Hopelessness, Anger, Irritability, Fear, Envy, Guilt. They don't seem to fit into the perfect holiday picture, but they come with us anyway. This time of year, the pressure to be jolly comes from the holiday parties, family gatherings, tv and social media, and even from the expectations we put on ourselves about how it "should be."
The holidays are time markers in the year, they hold special meaning for us. During some points of treatment, we may have imagined what our lives would be like in the future with a successful outcome, hoping to meet up with family and friends to share long awaited good news. If this dream hasn't become a reality after many months and even years, we may begin to dread the holiday season.
Perhaps there are ways to adjust expectations and prioritise our needs so that we will accept that this year, specifically this time of year, will be different.
Here are some strategies to consider, such as staying focused on keeping you well.
Be flexible and tentative with your social plans. You can change your mind or opt out at any time, no explanation needed.
Prepare your responses in advance for answering uncomfortable questions from loved ones who usually mean well. You can say:
" That's a conversation for another time" "I don't have anything to share about that."
Have an exit strategy; if you still want to join in on family-oriented festivities, give yourself permission to leave early.
Allow yourself to feel however you feel. The unfairness of it all makes it hard to be around people who have not struggled to have children. While envy isn't a nice feeling, it comes from a place of sadness and loss. Be kind to yourself, you didn't deserve this.
Share your feelings with your closest family and your partner if that applies; being heard is sometimes all we need. There is no fix.
If it bottles up, write about it in a journal.
Be true to yourself and your needs. Listen to your body and to your heart. How do you really want to spend this time?
If you answered under the duvet, that's okay, maybe you need more rest.
If it's right for you: connect with people, volunteer, visit an elderly family member, join with others who are feeling alone. Doing something for others usually feels good, and it's a break from overthinking.
Take the time to reflect on all that you've been through; give yourself love and acceptance without self-blame and guilt for feeling down. It's the greatest gift you can give yourself."
