A Week to Honour Baby and Pregnancy Loss | October 9th -15th
Hear from our fertility counsellor, Christine as she offers her support and advice for those coping with baby and pregnancy loss.
"I am writing this from the viewpoint of both a fertility counsellor and someone with lived experience. It's important to be heard this week. Baby and pregnancy loss can be a lonely and silent experience. Part of us wants to talk about our loss, but another part isn't sure because experience tells us that platitudes can be really irritating:
"Don't worry, it will happen."
"Relax, keep trying!"
"It wasn't meant to be."
or "Why don't you just adopt?"
Friends and family don't always know how to comfort us. We don't want to hear "I'm sorry" again and yet, we don't want to feel invisible.
We often feel responsible and blame ourselves for loss, even when there's no reason to do so. Wondering about all the different scenarios that could have made it work keeps our minds awake at night.
"Why is this happening to me?"
It seems unfair that so many around us have children, and it hurts even more when they complain about them. Sometimes we think we shouldn't feel grief because of the short time we carried it, and because "others have it worse", we might say. The feelings can take us from numbness to rage, from guilt to depression all in one morning. Just when we think we're getting back to ourselves, the feelings may surprise us at the worst possible time: at the grocery store, at work with another colleague announcing their pregnancy, at family gatherings. Reminders are all around us.
No matter how far along the pregnancy made it, no matter how long ago it happened, it's important to acknowledge the loss. The more compassion we give ourselves, we'll know it's not a burden to talk about it with others.
Here are some things that helped me and may help others:
- Take priority in caring for yourself.
- When you're ready, talk about it with someone safe, a partner, family or friend, or fertility counsellor.
- Allow and accept the feelings to come, whenever they do.
- Find a special way to memorialise your loss.
This week is a special time dedicated to those who have lost. Maybe with a little more awareness in the community, people around us will better understand how to be supportive.
For more information or support:
Contact: Christine.Grimsby@completefertility.com
Or visit:
Baby loss information and support | Tommy's (tommys.org)
